O - Ownership

Ownership. Not always an easy thing to do. When things are going well, when we have accomplished great, or even semi-good things, we willingly take ownership. Perhaps humbly, with a quiet smile and heartfelt thanks, or maybe jubilantly doing the happy dance. But what about those things in our lives that aren’t so great? What about our mistakes, serious or not? Do we take ownership of them?

 These past few days have been an emotional roller coaster not only for myself, but someone who I love with all my heart. There has been joy and excitement, and grief and despair. Through these days I have been faced with the mistakes of another person, which are drastically affecting lives. I have also had to come face to face with my own mistakes, and I mean whoppers, from my past that caused pain to those I love the most.

 When our failures are brought to our attention quite often we want to brush them away. Make excuses. Even blame the other person. But I could not do that. My past mistakes, still have serious consequences to this day. Lives have been and are still being affected. Lives of people I love beyond words. My very children. I can’t brush my past errors under the carpet. I can try to understand and help my loved ones to understand the roots of my actions, but I can’t lay blame. I need to take ownership. No matter how difficult it is.

  Our actions have consequences. Some good, some harmful. Hearts can be uplifted and encouraged, or beaten down and broken. Sadly some of my past issues hurt others deeply. Also sadly they may still be living with the after effects of this hurt. I know that my Lord has forgiven me, and for that I am so very thankful. But, I still need to take ownership, and acknowledge my deeds when my children need to talk about them. It’s hard, but vital.

I love to take ownership for my accomplishments. I am the kind who smiles humbly and says thank-you. Then when I’m alone the happy dance comes out. Taking ownership for my failures, my mistakes, the things that caused others pain, is not something I enjoy. There is no happy dance involved. But hopefully there will be healing for the one who brought them to my attention. It’s only with honesty that healing can come. Honesty and our precious Lord.

This has been a very personal post, and a very heavy one. I apologize for that. But whenever I tried to think of an "O" word, this was forefront in my mind. For my Faithwriter friends, if you go to the prayer request forum, you will find a request from me as to this subject. All prayers are appreciated. Thank-you.

N - Nevertheless

During my devotional reading last Monday, the day after Easter, the author of the Guidepost devotional for that day wrote on the one word, which changed history of all mankind for eternity. “Nevertheless.” When Jesus was praying at the Garden of Gethsemane, while his soul was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, He cried out to God. “Father, if it is possible, may this cup be removed from me. ‘Nevertheless’ not my will, but yours be done.” Some versions say “yet”, some say “but”. I really like Nevertheless.

Jesus said that His soul was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Most paintings, or even movies show a calm, peaceful Jesus, kneeled serenely before a big rock, praying to His father. Jesus Christ Superstar (one of my favorites) shows an anguished, even angry Jesus, crying out to God as he climbs boulders and rocks traveling higher and higher.

  What began as a quiet prayer from Jesus to His father, escalated into a battle between human and deity – Satan’s evil desires and God’s desires to save each and every one of His children.

 My husband and I got brave this year and watched Passion of the Christ. The opening scene showed Jesus alone and lonely, standing in the distant in the Garden of Gethsemane. We watched as torment consumed Him, causing Him to lie upon the ground, crying, begging, and praying to His Father in Heaven for mercy. For some way out. “Father, if there is a way, take this cup from me. Nevertheless – not my will but yours be done.”

If there is a way

 In that moment in the Garden, Jesus could have said “No”. No I will not go through the torture of death on the cross for these people. No I will not allow myself to be captured, beaten, spat upon, dragged through the streets and tortured within an inch of my life for these people. I will not die for these people. They just aren’t worth it. And that would have been that. Jesus didn’t have to die for us. He could have opted out. And we would have continued down the path of sin and death, till each and every one of us was lost for eternity. But Jesus didn’t say no – He said nevertheless.

As we sat watching “Passion of the Christ,” as I watched Jesus tortured in ways unimaginable to most human beings, I found myself asking so many questions. Number one question – how could you love us so much that you would allow yourself to suffer as you did? I found myself crying as I heard (I couldn’t watch)  the disgusting cat of nine tails sink their teeth into His body, ripping flesh and muscle from the very bones.

And I felt unworthy. I watched as He was forced to carry the massive cross upon his back – a back that could bear no more – and yet did. I watched as the guards continued to beat him, as He stumbled and fell, as he grit his teeth against a pain that would cause most of us to shriek for mercy. Nevertheless – He moved on.

I knew that Jesus suffered horribly for us, for me. I had read and learned what this kind of death actually did to the human body. I knew that many people didn’t survive the flogging. Jesus did. Where many men would have succumbed willingly to the welcome escape of death, Jesus did not. The time had not yet come. As I watched, I found myself asking if we were worth it? The answer I felt in my soul was – Yes we were and still are worth it. The question I heard within my soul was, “wouldn’t you do the same for your children?”

Jesus didn’t have to do what He did. He said that He is the Good Shepherd. Man could not take his life; He willingly laid it down – for us – for the very ones who beat him and hated him, for the thief on the cross. Jesus said Nevertheless for saint and sinner alike.

Evil hovering about Jesus, whispering doubt

Evil's scream of defeat

Through the movie we saw the face of evil hovering around Jesus, always whispering, waiting. Evil thought it had won. The loudest scene in the entire movie was of Evil down in a hole, shrieking,  screaming, and wailing in absolute despair and hate. Evil lost. Love reigned victorious.

 One word. Nevertheless. One life changing, soul saving word. Thank you precious Savior for saying Nevertheless. Thank you for loving us so much. Thank you for saving me - for saving us.

M is for Meander

I’m sitting at my computer, fingers hitting the appropriate keys to form words, and yet I’m still searching for a “M” word. My brain just seems to be in vacation mode, even though I am not on vacation. It just can’t seem to settle down long enough to focus. It’s meandering.

My meandering thoughts

 

I find that I am a meanderer in much of life. When I shop, I meander through the store, just browsing looking at this and that. Not always buying just looking. When my husband and I go for walks in woods, or down trails, he is set on the course. I meander. I stop and look at moss growing on tree sides or gracefully cascading over rocks. If we visit museums, I can be found meandering. Stopping and reading all the plagues to glean every morsel of information, inspecting each item envisioning those who may have used them. I find myself meandering to other places and distant times.

A couple weeks ago my husband and I took our oldest granddaughter, Taylor, for a walk out on the nature reserve. Tay and I   for the most part were far behind my husband. She made sure to keep him in sight for fear that we would get lost. 

We didn’t get lost physically, but we did find ourselves becoming lost in our fascinating meandering. She marveled at a tree laden with woodpecker holes, some fresh others dried from age. We inspected each piece of moss, each unique rock formation, each feathery fern. My husband had to from time to time remind us that if we didn’t get a move on we wouldn’t have Taylor home at the appointed time. Tay and I meandered a little quicker, but we meandered all the same.

I found myself frustrating over an appropriate “M” word for the time that we are in. Easter. Messiah was top on the list. But I just didn’t have the oomph to pull my brain out of vacation mode. I nearly gave up and just plainly didn’t write anything this week. But as my fingers continue clicking the appropriate keys, and continue creating words, I am discovering that meander is a pretty good word and way of life.

 For it’s in our moments of seemingly idle meandering that we are able to discover some of God’s most magnificent creations which we would have missed otherwise. Meandering allows us to slow our pace and our brains, opening us up to the simplest of wonders that normally go unnoticed. It gives a grandmother and granddaughter time to discover nature and build memories. It may allow us time to notice someone else who may be in need of a hug, a smile, or a kind word.

 I’m a meanderer. This annoys some people who are more focused and impatient. But through my meandering I discover, I feel, I imagine and envision. Quite often it is through my seemingly idle meandering that I draw closer to my Lord and discover new and remarkable things, about Him and myself.

 I think I like being a meanderer.

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